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haha.. i went shopping this afternoon with diana. =) bought nothing in the end except a small round cake for my dad.. hahaha.. so funny la. he picked me up at orchard and we went to dine at the revolving resturant.. He said that brought him back a lot of memories that was why he chose that place... I was so young the last time i went.. but the same small fish aquarium was still there right at the door step.. and the lift.. and almost everything else. It was like walking back in history.. I remembered being so fascinated by the 'turning'.. haha. Anyway, we had quite a sumptuous dinner.. all ordered by my dad.. haha.. birthday boy what.. haha, before looking at the bill he told us sth like "i pay 200, if there's extra, split between both of u.." haha, it turned out to be 134 plus so each of us got 30 bucks! YAY! =) He gave me 40 cos previously i answered correctly a question he asked.. hehehehe.. which is very lame la..

Him: "If you guess the name of that building, u get 10 dollars"

Me: "great world city"
hahaha.. oh ya the cake! Tragic ending la. i brought all the way home and put in my fridge cos the chocolate is melting la. i tried to hide it in the fridge behind my fresh milk.. Nice try........ He found out.. and took it out.. lol.. sounded quite surprised but i think he somehow knew it la.. lol.. he thanked me and i asked him to light the candle.. lol.. he lighted and held the cake.. after that he switched off the lights himself.. then i asked him to make a wish.. he was like standing there holding the cake and wishing.. LOL~ so funny la!! cos only can see his face.. lol.. after he was done, he on the lights and cut the cake.. lOL.. it's like.. celebrating for himself with himself la.. LOL.. cos my bro was sleeping and i was at my com.. lol.. anyway, nice day la. =)

J.Lo in "Monster in law" : "Life is too short to live the same day twice."

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It's my dad's bday today.. HOW!!! haven't gotten him anything... have been busy.. howhowhow.. Get him a shirt? or a cake with 5 candles (he's half a century young)? but that's so .. blase? ah! buy him a big balloon which writes 'happy birthday!!!'? haha.. that's really something for a big guy. kk i shall go toys'r'us later.. hmmm what else.......... a bright polo tee? lol.. too much for him la.. or...... a spa voucher? for a guy? gd idea! then he will want me to go with him and he'll pay for me! tie! OR WHAT........ sigh. generation gap.. he's bringing us to this resturant which revolves and he wants to reach by 630 to watch the sunset.... so i must get the stuff before that!!!! HOW! the least i can do is.. to buy a cake, shirt and a balloon which i will make sure he carries to the resturant hahahaha.. evil.. this is only a mild sabotage la.. afraid his heart can't take it haha.. okie la settled. gdnite.

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My dad saved me from boredom today! THANK YOU! Holiday is not that nice actually.. esp when almost all your friends are still schooling.. Zz.. anyway, i slept thru the late afternoon till 7 when he called to ask me to go Robinson with him. We had dinner first at some ulu place in orchard only to find that most shops were closed by the time we were done.. haha.. so we went to cineleisure to watch 'monster in law' haha.. funny show.. But major turn off was when zhanpeng smsed me in the middle of the show, not once but twice, to ask about nothing else but chem.. man.. give me a break. Had an ice cream after the show (cannot reject my father's offer la haha) and then we went to newton circles.. Share a bowl of dessert with him and bought some food for my bro.. yup that's it. ~the end~ With my father, it's always about foOd. =)

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Wah. wrong words keep coming out of me nowadays.. GP lesson today was most evident.. when sally chua asked me to give the name of the person who gave the quote, i said "er.. Gandhi." She intepreted it as "a Gandhi".. It was funny la. After that she wanted me to give her the quote and i gave the explanation of the quote instead.. and after that she wanted the class to give her some quotes.. and i said "You are who you eat."... GOSH......... HAHAHA.. And i thot to myself: Okie I better not talk anymore.. heh. =)

YAY today's the last day of school!!! Not that school's really bad but i wanna be my crazy self once again and let loooose... Back to the good old days of beaching and chilling out.. WOo.. But in jc, a holiday is never really a holiday... it's just a nicer term for 'you better catch up now than be sorry'.. there is a saying 'once bitten, twice shy.' (sally chua must be rather proud of me now.. haha) I must clear all my doubts and hw by the 3rd week! this is my aim for the holiday.. =)

Oh ya, my partner smsed me and told me that we got into the finals for Extreme Adventure! YAy. Part of me was thrilled as our effort during the very challenging preliminary round was paid off. She was good, she literally dragged and pulled me along.. But part of me was lackadaisical.. During the prelim round i was so pressurized by her.. her overwhelming determination intimidated me.. so i tried.. i tried more than i could.. and i was amazed by my own performance at the end of the race.. it was a personal record for me.. and i was glad my partner thot i did well too though i delayed our timing.. But whatever it is, 9th June is gonna be my trying day. Jia you!

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I tried

I really did

Maybe it was just not enough

But I will

I really will...

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I am a fighter

I must be strong

In a warfare

Against myself

I will fall

I must stand up

Finsh the race

I have started

A conqueror

I must persevere

Rough road

Move on

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the strength of my life;

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

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wah this week. Super impactful + transforming.. I've learnt so so much from Pst Phil..

One thing is: So often we may hear the voices of our circumstances, "No you can't do it." "You failed before, rememberrrr?", instead of God's voice, "You can do all things thru Christ who strengthens you." "Nothing is impossible with Me." " You are the head and not the tail.."

God is committed to bringing us to the other side of the rough river.. So long as we are willing to stay in the boat with God. Yes, sometimes u may feel like you're falling off the boat cos of the strong currents.. But God says just hang on tight and trust in Me, for I am with you.

For every bad situation, there will be a 'but God!..' Financial difficulty? But God will provide. Sick? But God will heal. Discouraged? But God will lift u up.

Let's have a but-God attitude! =)

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place

2 corinthians 2:14

My flesh and my heart fail;

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalms 73:26

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just came back from the girls' 'A' Division volleyball match finals at toa payoh stadium.. it was a match well played by both JJ and NYJ whereby i was kept captivated thruout.. initially JJ was at the losing end but the girls fought on with such determination and resilience.. and eventually emerging as the CHAMPIONS for 'A' Division! I'm so proud of them! =) Even though i'm not in the vball team now but a part of me still stays and for a moment i wished i didn't quit.. but then again i don't mind sacrificing a small thing for even bigger things ahead.. The whole of J1 was required/forced to go and support the girls, which i thot was ridiculous at first.. we even had to miss some lessons for that.. but when we reached the stadium, there was an aura of excitment and anticipation that just stirred us up.. I was in the crowd cheering my vocal cord out haha.. oh ya, and one thing i don like-SORE LOSERS. I think these are people who can't rejoice at people's achievements and who can't learn the sweet hidden lessons of defection.

*you can run away, but you can't hide*

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I'm beginning to enjoy school now and i think it has a different kind of fun to it. Sounds so not me.. but i wanna thank God for changing my attitude towards studying. I've nv been so hardworking in my attire short 18 yrs.. this goes to show that miracles do happen! =) Nothing much to talk about cos i'm only focusing on my studies now.. and how interesting can that get.. haha.

I think attitude is the most fundamental element for a transformation.. pst kong said this before "your life changes when you mind changes." Walking into the 'pressure cooker' isn't the most pleasurable thing to do but once you begin to squeeze out some positive thoughts about it, everything will seem to be much better.. I think it's the same for all aspects of life. You will go thru hell at any one point in time, so why not make the best out of it? =)

*standing on God's promises*

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Solid weekend service. I invited my dad to go for service with me and WOW he was SO impacted. Praise the Lord! Throughout the whole service, i kept praying for him that he'd open up his heart and receive the word. and thank God, he did and was very very transformed. He fellowshipped with my cg members and joined us for lunch. I think he's a different kind of 'new friend' whereby he 'entertained' the members.. cool with that.. but eng chang complained my pa asked him 'How are you?' thrice.. HAHAHA..

Gary and him talked a lot. I don't really know what they said.. but it looked important.. so i willingly let him 'kidnapped' my dad to somewhere else to talk.. think my pa was sharing some problems with him la.. going thru hell now. But praise the Lord, God is now the strength of my pa's heart and i believe he will walk thru hell very cooly and emerge even stronger. God is so solid.

I reached home at ard 11 plus after fellowshipping with some of my members at bugis (N256 can nv get tired of fellowshipping!!!).. and pa told me he nearly collapsed when he heard a news.. i was like "HUH?! what could possibly happen..." then he told me, if he was to bet 420 on a game.. he would have won 17000 tonight. that's a lot of money i know.. but i didn't feel a slightest of tui-ness becos i knew that that was just one of the devil's tactic to draw him away from God.. so i encouraged him and told him that this was just the devil's work to take control over him now that he's on God's side.. and that greater things will come his way. Yes, the devil may offer you instant solutions, but on the long run, the devil will gouged out something more out of your pathetic life. And yes, 17000 is a HUGE sum to our family now, but whatever is from the devil, i will not want. Imagine giving 1,700 of tithe to God that which comes from the devil? I'd rather u don give. Our God is a holy God who deserves a sacrificial offering from us. Like David, I will not offer to God that which cost me nothing.

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Super solid! Have been walking under opened heavens recently..

Yesterday was supposedly another mundane day until da ren called at 530 and told me he had a free ticket to a orchestra concert at the esplanade.. Of cos, my adrenaline surged from 0 (i was tackling my chemistry tutorial in sch..) to 10. I couldn't contain my exhilaration! That was simply a novelty of surprise in an otherwise sian day. Concert started at 7:30 so i had to chiong home and change.

It was my first time being inside the Esplanade theatre and of cos i was thrilled. While soaking myself in the waves of sounds, i was brought back to the days when i was in the chinese orchestra playing the cello.. The sequence they went on and off stage was the same.. Anyway, even though the violins played the main melody, i was mesmerized by the cellists.. I particularly like the sound of the cellos.. it's smoothing and gentle even when playing staccato. I think it also neutralises the shrieking sounds eluded from the violins.. oKie, maybe i'm biased. haha.. the flute is nice too. sweet and clear sounds. Best played in gardens with birds' chirps as background music. hehe.. Oh ya, there was a piano soloist too.. he was so professional! (duh..)and suave.. He had 3 encores. During one, he played "'The Swan' from carnival of the Animals"
which i have the simplified version of it.. and of cos my heart leaped when i heard him play that.. i think most people can play music if they are being taught the skill of playing the instruments but what makes good music? when it's produced by your soul.. plain music is distasteful i feel. The melody can be simple but when it's played by your soul, it can be nicer than a chim piece played without emotions.

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Sigh. another earthquake hit indonesia again.. with 8.7 on the richter scale and epicentre near nias island. it's like.. the people haven't even gotten over the previous disaster and now another one came their way.. the suppressed trauma lying in the recesses of their minds emerged again even though it was not as disastrous as the previous.. i smsed my medan friend and he told me they were "so.. so shocked" as they could feel the vigorous shake.. but thank God nothing terrible happened. Some parts of Singapore felt the tremble too despite our good geographical location, that goes to show that we shouldn't take that for granted.. I think our far-sighted and reliable govt should prepare the people for such unpredictable circumstances.. what if the epicentre was to be near our concrete jungle singapore... (deliberately left hanging)

The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;

My shield and the horn of my salvation,

My stronghold and my refuge;

My Savior, You save me from violence.

2 Samuel 22:3

Human relationship can be SO complicated. It's like the more you try to spin the web, the more you'll end up suffocating yrself.. Can i just take and give whatever comes my way? I feel that if you try too hard, you'll end up losing everything altogether.. but then again, how hard is hard? Sometimes you have to draw a line and set a boundary btw 2 persons, but what if the line is scratched too deep and a gap is formed eventually? Is that better than having your personal space intruded? I'm standing strong on the vow i've made. If a gap is to be formed, I'm all for that. "But what about the pleasant moments you had?" They will all be memories of a journey i once trekked on.. Nothing to mourn over..

We can get tempted sometimes because we're sexual creatures.. Nothing wrong with that. But if you continue to dwell in the temptation, then it's very wrong i think. I always believe that if someone is for you then he will be (maybe i'm wrong), if not then "too bad, so sad, move on"..

I think i've swerved from God's path by not obeying Him, and now i wanna navigate back asap..

It feels good to break away from the bondage that hinders your relationship with God. God's love is pure and no other sources are better...

And right now i'm reminded of this song:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look deep in His wonderful face

And the things of the world

Will go strangely dim

At the light of His glory and grace

What beautiful lyrics that is..

*Everything has its time and season*

Oh, i realise this entry doesn't have a 'haha'... when aileen is serious, she can be really serious. =)

Had a fun day chilling out with gary.. he wanted to buy a keyboard so he asked me along, but i didn't provide significant assistent cos i know nuts about keyboards.. they all look the same to me.. Haha.. and just when we finally decided on one of those shortlisted, there wasn't any more stock. Sian ji bua liao... I know how he felt la. When I started learning piano, my parents hadn't bought me a piano yet. I told my teacher and she was kind of amused and she gave me this paper keyboard which i practised on. If you can visualize 'playing' on it, it can be very self-entertaining laughing at the thot of it.. well.. it just goes to show how desperate i was. Heh.

We went to esplanade, passing by a few chocolatiers screaming for my attention. If it wasn't for the buyer-unfriendly price, i would have bought a few. To remain optimistic, that was a blessing in disguise (temperory only heh..). We then trod on to the Baker's Inn at One Fullerton which was a neat and serene place perfect for lazing the hours away.. It was the 'dessert' portion in the menu once you open it.. good business tactic.. We ordered a waffle with a scope of cheese ice cream sitting on it and strawberry sauce capped on. It was sooooo deliciouss.. and unresistable. The only thing was.. the portion was so small for 2! (where got enough for me?) I took my time to savour the last cube of waffle which was gone before i was satisfied. Haha.. DON'T CARE! i must go again!! =) Provided i feel rich.. It cost 10.90! *ouch*But worth it.. =) we ordered a jar of camomile tea too.. which made me sleepy after drinking.. maybe i should stick to jasmine green tea haha.. boring right me? =P Talking about food gets me kind of excited haha.. cannot like laaa.. haha.. right?

Has been spending my past 2 days at home.. no lessons right now that's why. I spent my entire yesterday reading like crazy. Finished Adeline Yen Mah's "Chinese Cinderella".. Touching book but didn't manage to make me teared.. Normally i would, when reading about tragic histories of people.. Haha.. I don't mind staying at home, just give me books and more books.. HEhe.. sound so geeky.

(A talk that goes nowhere..)

Sometimes i wish i was born a nerd. Then i don't have to try so hard to want to study. Sigh..

But then again, sometimes i wish i am not. Cos i don't like nerdy people.. oops..

All they know is study study and study.. As if their whole life depend on a cert.

Sometimes i feel like jerking them up and poke their bubble.. And shout to them that there's a more exciting life out there..

But on the other hand, I dont' think they even bother to bother about that..

Aiya, why do i even bother to bother about this..

Some students are just freakily smart. I know i'm not at that standard so i just wanna be an Aileen i never knew i can be this yr. Kind of anticipating.. but why can't proper lessons start sooner.. zz..

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woo. It's been such a long time since i last wrote. So much happened that i donno where to begin. Anyways, I was telling bro jeff how the past 2 weeks have been my most fulfilling weeks serving God in a new way and experiencing Him with a fresh touch. God healed me too during my quiet time with Him. Twice. And instantly. How amazing.

Had a zone game last sunday. It was as fun and creative as always. The best part was how it beings our zone to the next level each time. But one thing different was, our cg emerged this time round!! YAy! We were all thrilled and were beaming with exuberance.. We won for ourselves a hamper full of food! =) Actually our cg was split into 2 teams, with one team topped and the other as the 1st runner-up. But at the end of the day, it seemed like all of us won anyway. But it didn't really matter, it was the process of learning to work with people and strengthening the bonds that was impt. Our team encounted a few defeats in various stations but our spirits were lifted up with encouragement from each other and we faced the challenges of the next station with new confidence. No one blamed anyone because in a team, everyone needs everyone. Ah, there's power in unity.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 15:5-6

Have you ever wondered how you could be in heaven for a moment and hell the next?

Have you ever winced at the recollection of something you did or said?

Have you ever wished that your crush at least paid a little bit more attention on you?

Have you ever wanted something so badly, it drove you crazy?

Have you ever waited on a promise which did not come to past?

Have you ever walked right into someone's heart?

Have you ever won a battle you've fought so hard for?

Hmmm i have. And am grateful for all the experiences i've been through. But i can't just turn back and smile at them, my journey is still long and it's filled with so many more "Have-you-ever"s. Right now i will just keep walking in the path of God and hope that there will be less negative "Have-you-ever"s.. =)

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:18

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Today! we got back our AO chinese results!! 04S4 reunited once again in room 111 with beloved Goh Eng Heah. She tried to be friendly with us but apparently none of us was interested LOL.. Anyway, before the results were given out.. the atmosphere started to tense up gradually.. I was filled with anticipation to know how i fared but yet, part of me didn't have the courage to cope with my emotions if it was to turn out below my already low expectation.. have to admit la, chinese is not my piece of cake. I only hoped to pass and get over and done with it. Which means NO MORE CHINESE for as long as i live!! YAY! okie.. So we were sitting as the names were being called to receive the result slips.. Seriously, i bet none of us ever like to be kept in suspense for such things.. Anyway, as more people took their result slips, an array of expressions were displayed. Finally my lovely chinese name was called, i took a deep breath and went up.. GEH handed me my slip. I took a glance and went estatic. I got a C6!!! lol.. Ya it's not a very colourful result, but the thot of me passing and never to take chinese papers ever, sent me right up to the moon. HAhhaa.. I went 'Heeeee!!!' and did some stupid acts.. lol.. and my class laughed. Oh well. can't contain the excitement of not taking any more chinese. HAhahaa.. Biggest joy. =)

Today, we also witnessed on 'live telecast' how our seniors received their results in the hall.. Gosh. If the tension in the classroom was bad.. the hall's was 10 times badder.. there was a permanent worried look on some (like you-know-who from s4) and prior receiving, the principal showed the statistics of passes.. Overall the '03 cohort did better than last yr and there is a general improvement. General advice from the seniors for us is to work hard. Yup! so i wanna start now! and i started just now with diana.. we studied till 1030 hehehe.. must start to stretch myself liao.. hehe..

*counting on God's strength i move forth*

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Ever had someone gossiped about u? Sickening right? Even though it didn't happen to me but i can still feel for the person.. Words are like double-edged sword which can pierce right through your heart. They say 'sticks and stones can hurt me, but words can nv hurt me." i think they're uttering rubbish. Words are powerful. They can lift you up to heaven or smash you flat on the ground. But one thing the gossipers don't know - the truth will eventually come to light. It's like trying to suppress a ball under water, it doesn't take a genius to know that it's only a matter of time before the ball emerges to the surface. So let's see who has the last laugh. Heh.

Recently i've been spending a lot of time with my dad and we did crazy things together. It's the crazy things that make life more interesting he said. Anytime! When i'm older and richer i'd want to do crazy things too. we went for a jog at bedok reservoir 2 days ago at 11 plus at night. There was a big playground so we went up and interupted a couple doing their stuff haha.. after that we went to eat at newton circles. So happening right? lOl...

For You are great, and do wondrous things; You alone are God.
Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
Psalm 86:10-12

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Sometimes, i really wonder if i'm ever gonna find a guy whom i can love for a lifetime and vice versa. a lifetime! we're talking about half a century or so. But i believe any relationship build on the foundation of God can flourish and sustain. aiyo why am i even talking about this.

I think some ppl have wondered why i can smile and laugh everyday. It's the JOY of the Lord i must say. It's knowing that God is with you, so there's really nothing much to worry about. But of cos that doesn't mean i don't have my own set of problems, it's just that when your mind is focused on God, all things will become shadow in the light of God. Everyday is an adventure with God, He'll take u places you've nv been and show u things you've nv seen. How exciting! =)

So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 8:3

U know what feels good? It is to hit a mosquito flat. And true enough, u don't have to be someone significant to significant things. Look at the mosquitoes.. they are small yet can cause drastic reactions in us.. and instill a sadistic feeling in our minds. Oh no, this is such a lousy example.. can't help it.. feeling itchy now.. haha.. killed 3 in 2 days. how wonderful. HAha.. okie lame entry. gdnite.

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Today! i had a very very fun time at sentosa!! super fun. really enjoyed myself. me and cai first went to siloso beach and sun tanned at the bridge. So we just laid there with our feet soaked in the water.. So relaxing.. haha.. funny then some ah neis came over and took pictures with us.. apparently we weren't interested but obliged anyway, reluctantly. One wanted to sit in btw us, of cos my natural reaction was to answer NO. They kept taking till i got fed up (cos they kept saying that was going to be the last and i wonder what was their definition of last) and i said enough. firmly of cos (wah aileen sia.. =P) NO MERCY. hahahaha.. but of cos that wasn't the fun part. after that, we went away to find darryl and you yi at palawan. they were with their grp of friends and i joined them for volleyball!! it was so fun. it's been so long since i played vball. miss it.. we played till we couldn't see the ball. went for dinner after that. Both of us were the youngest among them so there was kind of a generation gap thingy. So the topics they talked about didn't really appealed to us haha.. Serious! most of them are above 25.. so we were like 2 gin nas.. haha but nevertheless we all had an enjoyable day. =) I'm like a cooked lobster now.. haha.. rare sight for a hantu.

oh ya i learnt sth today from a well-built guy.
Protein powder + egg white + milk + gym = prominent muscles
Warning: the milk mixture is not tasty.

Anyway, today i was kind of sad when i received the msg that i won't be singing as a choir tmr as i have been anticipating for this day.. think cos of Pst ulf.. But i feel it's appropriate la since i'm a newbie. I told damian about this and he was so encouraging. aiyo. He told me to be a light among the audience and that i can be a choir member in the crowd too! solid la.. so edifying. =)

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1

<=)>
I was standing
With hands lifted
I closed my eyes
A drop of tear fell

I wasn't sad
I wasn't lonely
It was God who
came right from heaven
to touch the insignificant aileen

I am God's child
I feel honoured
Satan can't harm me
I have God's protection
And under His wings
I will dwell

Conference today was great as usual. I walked out of the auditorium feeling stronger than ytd, going from glory to glory. I learnt about humility, and the opposite, pride. God HATES pride the most. That is also the reason why Lucifer fell and Eve died. Contrary to popular belief, humble people are actually strong and firm. They know who they are, and do not have to constantly prove themselves and show the world what they have got. Have u seen boastful people? They may appear strong but deep inside, there lies fears. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loneliness and whatever fear there is. Humility is to rest on something bigger and not by your own strength. God the Almighty, is there for me, why should i lean on my own tiny puny strength? That's kind of silly i feel. If i were to choose between 1 million dollars and 1 buck common sense will tell me to choose the former. I think we don't even need a common sense for that. But so many times i've acted silly and chose the latter. Time to wake up, aileen.

Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble." Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
1 Peter 5:5-6

Pastor Ulf's conference was superb. Everyone felt that it was a message specially meant for us. It was about friendship. I was so captivated throughout as the msg came just at the right time for me.. My classmate whom i mentioned previously (the one who screams and bosses ard) had a talk with me and my civics tutor this afternoon. She poured her heart out. So all the 10 yrs of her life, she doesn't have any close friends. Not even one. She was/is very insecuring, always doubting the friendships she had. She expected her friends to show the same level of love and concern that she gave them. She expected them to be there for her 24/7. She wanted people to think like her. To put it bluntly, she wanted people to live the way she wanted them to live. While she was talking, the word 'dictatorship' kept coming across my mind. Ms Yew and I told her our views about certain things, i don't know if she actually listened and absorbed, but she kept talking about what she thought about this and that. So i told her if she is not being open to other's perspectives then there was no point for us to talk. She insisted she was being open. Okie.... and she went on to talk about her family.. relatives.. blabla. So we just listened. now come the shocking thing. She told us she considered me as her good friend. i was like 'what?!' (in my mind of cos) i seriously donno if i should be happy or sad. So i just smiled. Speechless. Part of me felt that i was such a meanie for treating her the way i treated her and yet was still her good friend in her eyes.. but the feeling i felt when she said that was undescribable. I didn't know what feeling i felt then.. but anyway after the talk, she had a part of me and i had a part of her and i felt i understood her better and thus can accept her better.

Pst Ulf's msg hit me like a bullet thru a bull's eye. I learnt that:
- loneliness tortures people more than anything else.
She feels lonely. I want to be the light that shines in her life and make a positive influence in her.
- if you want to have a friend, be a friend.
Don't expect people to come to you and befriend u.
- friends sees right through you and still love you
I like it when my friends corrects me when i'm wrong, that only shows that they care.
I hope that by talking to her just now, she will feel the same.
- Love people and use things. Not vice versa.
- Friendship is an atmosphere of relaxation.
Friends don't compete with each other... They encourage and strengthen each other's weaknesses.
- If you're in it, you might as well enjoy it!
We may meet difficult people at times or go thru a valley, all these are inevitable so instead of complaining and be whiney, enjoy it! look at the brighter side of situations. It's all in the mind. (sounds cliche right. =P)

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4

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They may laugh and mock
But i don't really care
I'm not living for them
I have a goal, a vision
Fuelled by God's strength
I move forth

There will be obstacles
I may stumble and fall
but that'll only make me stronger
I am not afraid
for God is with me
even to the end of time

today our class practised twisting balloons for tmr's love fiesta.. I made a distorted flower after a few ah!s and erkk!s haha.. but still sellable i think. =P HOpefully sales will be good tmr. The profit is really a lot. Haha.. hundred folds. HAha..

Anyway, have u ever met someone who kicks people ard.. who shouts at people... who bosses ard..? My tolerance level is not that high towards ppl like that.. For instance, this afternoon one of my classmates went about doing that, which is not seldom, while we were practising on the balloons.. she showed totally no respect for the rest and commanded/demanded them to do what she said.. Some of them were playing with the small cute balloons and she just screamed at them to stop playing. I mean.. who does she think she is..
Me: Do u have to scream?
She: I wasn't screaming
Me: then what?
She: *speechless*
Now she has a bad reputation in class.. I have sort of hinted her about that but i think she didn't catch it.. still trying to pluck up my courage to tell her and maybe correct her.. she's so unpredictable and may just scream at me as well.. who knows. Oh well.. On a higher note, she can be nice sometimes.

eh my class was very sweet to me! During chinese lesson, 2 days ago, they suddenly sang me a bday song in english then mandarin! HEhehehe.. I was surprised + touched. I went to sch that morning without even expecting any of my classmates to know that it was my bday.. Aiyooo.. 2 gave me this hp accessory thingy with my name.. and the next day i received this card which the class wrote their wishes on and one girl made my name using wires. aiyo...... exceeded what i even think or imagined. haha.. I went to celebrate my bday at kenny roger's (yay!) with all my very nice girlfriends (alice,bird,cai,jean,kailin,sis jl) It was a very sweet day la. Thanks alice for organising everything and turning up despite of yr fever *touched*.. thanks bird for getting those breakthru stuff for me and thanks for the friendship haha.. thanks cai for giving me a day off work LOL.. and thanks for being my precious friend... thanks jean for turning up even though u didn't eat.. =P thanks kailin for your enjoyable company and for inventing new and fresh spoonerism always. Hahaha.. and thanks sis jinlian for turning up despite having a busy schedule and you've been a really gd leader over my life thanks. =) Oh ya, and N256!! My very nice cell grp! Thank you all of you for being the first to celebrate for me and thanks for that sunshine song.. aww... =) And to the rest of my friends, thank you for being part of my life. I feel so blessed. =) Last and never the least,i wanna thank God my saviour, for carrying me thru 18 yrs of ups and downs and for patiently moulding me into the person i am now. can't imagine how my life would turn/end up without God by my side. =)
a big THANK YOU once again. =)

Today is a very special date i think. Cos it's giap-ed between my bday and vday.. haha so i always tell ppl i wanna get married on this day so i can have 3 days straight of.. erm.. nice days. =) So maybe in future, this will be my wedding anniversary! =) How exciting. *grins* Anticipating........ =)

Other than that, today was just another normal day.
school->played badminton with yannick n min->read->practised maths->library->read
so nerdy right? *grins*

Jc life can be so mundane sometimes.. Most friends (erm.. schoolmates.) only talk about superficial things.. it seems like everyone is only interested in surviving and getting over days in jc that few actually bother about making sincere friendships. How.. tragic. hahaha.. Nvm la.. thank God for blessing me with very nice friends like min and dai an na and a few guys.. Haha.. =)

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*blink* Oh! it's vday once again. =) Not that i really care.. haha.. But it's kind of sweet la to see almost everyone has a gift or so.. such a lovely day (literally). But i was wondering if this day is actually redundant.. HAha. It's like.. Do u think it's weird for yr bf to treat u exceptionally nice suddenly.. and it's only for one day? haha.. okie la maybe i'm weird to think that way. I donno. Never know. haha.. But of cos sometimes i (secretly) wish that i have someone (special) to spend this day with. oops. haha.. too bad la this yr don have.. so it's just another normal day for me..
school->ran with vick n swee->studied with diana till the sch nearly closed
Ya lor. =)

oh ya CNY was good la. Ate so much. aiyo.. no wonder could only run for 4 rounds today. HAha.. nvm.. tmr running again. Went to a lot of houses to bai nian. So fun haha.. Feel chin na once in a while.. Me and cai went to river angbao! That was my first time there, and first time i heard of that.. haha.. it was so crowded! Didn't regret going though. =) Hardly can experience chin na things.. It was good la. I actually quite like our culture.. Everything seems very exaggerated. haha..

okie la that's all for now.. still got 3 books waiting.. hehe.. *full-fledged nerd* =)

Verse of the day:
You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4

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Today was a good day. I woke up feeling so excited about what the day has to offer! =) I had a really good night ytd too. =) I was doing my quiet time and i sang "I can see the glory of the Lord.. falling from heaven falling around me.." and after a while i didn't feel God's presence yet, so i continued singing.. and at the same time yearning for it, wondering when it would come.. and BAM! I felt the overwhelming presence and i just cried instantly. I was SO touched. And i couldn't sing anymore. So i just hummed and cried simultaneously. God really meant what He said, "Draw near to Me, and i will draw near to you." I read the Bible after praying and unknowingly, i fell asleep... And the next morning, sth really UNEXPECTED happened. I woke up suddenly and realised i hadn't switched off the light and i checked the time, it was 6am. i mean.. Aileen woke up by herself at 6am!!! i reckoned it was still early. I switched off the light and went back to sleep. Adjusted my alarm clock (i didn't prepare anything for the next day when i fell asleep) to 6:30. Snoozed till 6:37. Ironed my uniform. Took my breakfast. Went to school. And guess what? this was the earliest morning i reached school so i finally had the chance to stand in btw my class (normally i'm at the back, way back.)

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
Matthew 6:25-27

I think God is just so amazing. He works in mysterious ways.. Waking aileen up is just a simple task to Him. God can do things above and beyond our imagination. I think our human minds can't even imagine the magnitude of His magnificence.

Anyway, my father went to fetch me and diana from school and we went to jp. guess what? i met my long-lost friend of 7 yrs!!! I know he's working at 'popular' and i told him i'd pop by some day. Before i went there i was telling diana "how ah.. i donno what to say to him leh.." haha.. he was my pri sch partner back in pri 4 and sth funny happened la. Anyway, those have become very pleasant childhood memories. So when i first saw him i waved. and he looked. He stared at me with a big qn mark above his head like he couldn't recognise me. Haha.. Came over. and we talked. Managed to dig up those moments which were shoved deep inside my mind.. He mentioned faceless names which i simply couldn't recall their existence. It amazes me how friends can just catch up where they left.. =)

later at night, i went with my dad for a short visitation to my grandma's. After that we went to chinatown! It wasn't as crowded as we both expected and the stuff they displayed weren't quite appealing to us. So, aileen + father = food! We went to eat dim sum at ard 11... He told me to order anything i want so i ordered 3 dishes. (1 was sold out) while eating, he asked "huh that's all?" i said 'ya' then he ordered 2 more.. oh my.... Just broken my resolution. I.e, strictly no eating after 11. haha.. as if that was not bad enough.. we went to buy 500g of roasted chestnuts on the way back... so eat again la. haha.. Anyway, my father was wondering why ppl like to buy ba kua only during cny period.. haha.. it's like.. ba kua is available all yr round lor. HAha.. nvm it was just a wild thot. =)

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I believe each one of us has our own private zone where, if being intruded, will be provoking. It is an area where, preferably, only u can dwell in. Sigh, unfortunately, today, someone poked my bubble. I was really very frustrated. Very. Till the extent that i nearly cried. So i reminded myself not to be a softie.. it was only a minor thing. I told jean n ser n da ren i think.. and they made me laugh so i felt much better. Thanks.. =)

One thing about me is, sometimes i get pek cek (irritated) easily.. like i want everything to go the way i want it.. this is so self-centred and i don't like it.. still trying to change. Sorry if i have offended anyone.. Give me some time okie.. =)

Verses of the day:
You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.
No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.
John 15:14-15

woO.. i think that the lyrics from the song "yu jian" are so beautifully written. *applause*
Here it is, http://mp3.baidu.com/m?f=ms&rn=10&tn=baidump3lyric&ct=150994944&word=%D3%F6%BC%FB&submit=%B0%D9%B6%C8%CB%D1%CB%F7&lm=-1
liu lao shi made us sing this song during chinese period ytd. Erm, it was my first time listening to that and it strongly captured my attention. I think liu lao shi has certainly succeeded in arousing a bit of interest in us for chinese. =) liu lao shi wan sui! ......................

Anyway, today i wasn't very aileen.. i was SO eager to study la. LOL.. very much so. I almost used up all my free time in school to do tutorials.. and i was actually engrossed in doing. Oh my oh my.. One step closer to becoming a nerd. Yay. *grIns*

Waited for diana for her vball training while doing my maths tut. We went for choir prac together! My first choir prac! It was good la! Sis annabelle led us. I like her very much. She has a good voice and very pretty too. We did vocal warm up haha.. and learnt a new song. Sang some gong xi fa cai songs also.. HAha.. oh ya, steph blessed me with aaaaa.... cornetto cookies n cream ice cream!!! *cheers* it was soooo nice lor. Diana bought a magnum. we didn't feel psychologically good after that, though our bodies yearned for more. hAha so we decided to 'walk the ice cream away' LOL! sounded so wrong. but anyway, we walked home from church and sang all the way home. It was good la.. coOling night. =) Nice way to wrap up our day.

Verse of the day:
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
Romans 8:37

Today, i took a ride on the emotion rollercoaster.. Something went wrong with my adrenaline.. but anyway.... a few interesting things happened..

1) we watched 'turn left turn right' in the cartoon version during the FOUR periods of chinese. It was sth new so it kept us 'high'. Hmmm.. liu lao shi off the sound and made some of us read the chinese subtitle as the cartoon was played. Wah. I tried and oh my gosh.. apparently i couldn't catch up and they could only hear the first few characters of each sentence.. HAha.. oh well, at least i tried. =)

2) I went with some of my classmates for lunch at westmall! It was good fellowshipping with them. at least now i feel more of a 05s6-ian. Crapped with them and just blended in la. HAha.. sometimes i feel like their da jie jie.. haha.. but i very teng them la. LOL! esp yu su.. Sigh.. shebroke down today.. but so touching.. SHe said she tried to make me join them then i was like.. "am i that dao?!" lol.. okie maybe. haha..

3) went to meet bird then we went to millenia walk's Yoshi. she ate her lunch. we intended to study together.. but after lunch.. both of us just dosed off over there. LOL! We were sleeping soO soundly.. hahaha.. for quite a long time actually.. HAha.. i was so satisfied after i woke up. HAha.. So cai was right la.. i can sleep anywhere and anytime! But i think it's not a gd sign la.. must change.. still trying la.

4) went to carrefour n bought chipsmore. our all-time favourite haha.. we munched on that as we trotted to long john to meet jean, weiwen n engchang.. together, we went to Bible House for bible study. Pst Lilian preached and she was SO fantastic. I really like her. It's like we could relate to everything she said. Presence of God was so strong. I was interrupted by my dad's numerous phonecalls at the beginning, after which i switched off my hp.. and i called him after it ended.. I knew he was going to fetch me, but i didn't know when he called, he was already there waiting.. So he scolded me quite fiercely.. i was shocked becos i didn't expect that.. he told me to go home myself cos he was already at jurong.. sigh.. felt so bad to have him come all the way there and then to go back without me.. wasted his effort.. sigh. he didn't say bye when he cut the call.. sighhh... so my mood took a 180 degrees turn and so i didn't talk much. When steph asked why, i couldn't contain it and just broke down for one minute. Sigh.. After that felt better but still not very aileen.. on my way home, a couple was quarrelling at the garden. the woman was screaming her head off... sigh. reminded of the times my parents used to fight. Anyway.. my dad was coOled down when i reached home and so he didn't say much.. he still asked his standard question "you want to eat anything?" thats him la. Ha.. at least it was peaceful.

P.S: Thanks to all who endured me and still showed me love. =)

Verse of the day:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28

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What a day. I went for my first PE lesson this yr today. Haha.. Zhun zhun we had road run.. Ran outside school.. Longer than i expected ahha.. but thank God i managed to run thruout.. Whole face red la. like ping guo.. Nvm.. this is just the beginning.. still left 27 rounds LOL..

Had a DENTAL appointment at 8 just now... Thank God the dentist was so friendly and gentle.. and the whole ordeal ended much faster than i expected.. Had my tooth filled.. feel better now hehe.. so relieved! =P But it cost 40! xin tong..

Verse of the day:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

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Know what? i had the most interesting bio lab work today!! we used the microscope to see..... moving chloroplasts!! It was so coOl. We examined the leaf of a water plant.. and could actually see the numerous chloroplasts moving round the border of the cell walls.. they just went round and round and round.. hahaha..

But was kind of tired today.. monday blues... anyway, i like my class.. cos we like to eat. Haha.. Have the habit of eating during lessons. Hahaha.. someone will just bring a bag of food and pass ard.. LOl.. today was chocolate coated raisins during bio lecture.. LOL.. wonder what's on tmr =)

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Wah. Today's service was so POWERFUL! I was so impacted. I remember pst Kong said that we'll meet giants in our life, be it in our studies, family, career... Don't tell God to get rid of the giants.. but pray that you can become STRONGER than the giants. Let's be the giant slayers! =)

For the last 2 days i was feeling really down cos of some internal family conflicts. But i wanna thank God for sending the right people at the right time to comfort me. So i felt much better =)Thanks to those who were patient and endured facing my blacker-than-charcoal face. =) YAy! i'm back to my normal a-bit-hyper self now! toO bad if u don like it. Haha..

oH ya.. to backtrack a little.. i ran NINE rounds at the tracks on friday. NINE!!! lol.. Thanks to vickram who ran with me. He ran 6 rounds before that. LOL.. And we still have 27 rounds to go. YAy all the way! Jia you! lol.. Reason being, we ponned PE lessons haaha.... but i don't really mind cos it's kind of fun running with him. Haha.. Wah. i feel that my muscles are so saturated now.. HAha.. Still considering if i should run with wenbin tmr HAha.. I'm going crazy. =)

Verse of the day:
"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31

Nice Day
today was so packed. but i like it. School was, as usual, nothing much to do. 4 periods of CHINESE were spent making LANTERN for the lantern festival.. or izzit chinese new yr.. not sure. Anyway, Yu Su taught us how to make paper rose, which i totally couldn't seem to catch it after like.. half an hr? Haha.. So i gave up la. Mine looked like a lump of i donno what. But thru this i get to know more of my classmates better.. they are funny la. Haha..

diana waited for me after school and we went to meet bird to go orchard library to study. That's our favourite study place! So nice.. Can eat and study.. Haha.. Completed 'the da vinci code'. Satisfied. Haha.. Have the urge to study nowadays... I hope the teachers can go at a faster rate, cos i hope to gain more during the 1st 3 months so i will be well ahead for the rest of the yr..

Went to the bible house for bible study.. and had to rush down to church for my first choir orientation! Yay! It was fun la. So excited for the 'real' practice hehe..

Verse of the day:
And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them.
Deuteronomy 28:13

didn't go to school today.. wasn't feeling very well... haha so i asked my father to write a letter to my civics tutor. So he wrote,

Dear Teacher,
My daughter, Aileen Tan, woke up this morning feeling very dizzy and unwell. I advise her to rest at home so that she would have a speedy recovery. I am very sorry for any inconvenience caused and I believe she should be able to attend school tomorrow.
Thank you for your attention.
Yours faithfully,
(signature)

It's so funny i feel. HahaHa.. Firstly, i didnt tell him i was feeling dizzy, i just told him i felt sick. Secondly, the words he used are so funny.. hahaha..

I simply love english oldies! Thanks ah da ren for being my very nice mp3 player. I was first introduced to Air Supply by my father in upper primary and since then have been loving that era's songs. They will always remain my all-time favourite! and i believe their popularity won't die off at least for another century cos the songs contain so much emotions and it is always interesting to figure out the hidden messages of some songs. Heh. =)

Today's service was wow! great! I would have to agree with both hands that Jurong West St91 is the most happening place to be in a sunday morning!! We have the coolest and funniest pastor and a congregation that's so on fire for God!! I'd also have to agree that one day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world! =)

Every step i take You will lead me
With you I'll walk the raging seas
You're the strength when I am weary
You give me reason to believe
- From the song "Hold Me Close"

Verses of the day:
For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
Psalms 84:10-11

WOoo~ Such a great day!!! Had our first cell grp meeting this yr and it was fantastic!!! Everyone was so on fire! =) We totally rocked the whole place! =) What a great start to a great year! =) We shared so many testimonies and it seemed that everyone was so blessed in one way or another. =) Ya true, as we walk in God's path, blessings will just come our way! =) Alice came for makeup cell today and she commented that our cg left her a very good impression. Haha.. Solid la.. N256 simply rOcks! =)

Anyway, after fellowship, me, alice and gary went to bugis. Haha.. It was fun la. Haha.. We walked to suntec after dinner.. Haha.. and went to carrefour to buy food then walked to the fountain and ate there.. Haha.. The moon was bright.. the clouds were moving fast. Haha...

Tmr will be my last usher duty. Kind of have mixed emotions.. I've been in usher ministry for ard 2 yrs.. have made a lot of very wonderful friends and of cos have learnt a lot from usher. It is heartwarming to know that you play a part in making people feel welcome in our church. It feels good to bring a smile on people's faces.. And basically to be a servant for God and God's people. But I have to move on, move on to another calling which is the choir ministry. It's a ministry i wanna join so much since the beginning and now that i finally have a chance to get in, i am very happy. Haha.. Can't wait for the first practice! Haha.. =)

Verse of the day:
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

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Special request by Gary himself..

He is a VERY good cell grp member... VERY encouraging.. thanks for the 'talk' ytd, i feel better about going to school now. =)

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It's really sad how some people blame circumstances for everything bad that has happened to them, when ultimately, the cause is themselves. Pst Kong once said "All your life is a summation of your commitment." If you're 'commited' to dwelling in your past then i don't think you'll be able to move from glory to glory, life will still be the same for you 10 yrs down. Or maybe sth different, it will get worse. All of us trek on our own life journey. Mine's currently in a valley, but i'm still moving on. There's no stopping in this adventure and i'm so eager to see what God has in stored for me when i step out of it. Hehe.. Here's an encouraging segment in the bible-

Faith Truimphs in Trouble
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perserverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5: 1-5

I have walked the darkest and deepest valleys, but each time God was with me thru it all. i only become stronger by God's strength. There's really nothing much to fear for i know that my Heavenly Father has already overcome the world and I feel so privileged to be His child, knowing that i'm safe and protected under His wings. Hehe.. =)

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oH finally i'm back. Haha.. Com was down for the past few days so i kept myself occupied with DanBrown's 'the davinci code'. It's been on the bestselling list for SO long, so i decided to read up to see how interesting it really is.. 3/4 right now... the storyline is fantastic and really captivates me. However, a fair bit of the story touches on God, Jesus and the Bible. And it doesn't take a believer to know that danbrown is kind of anti-christ. Some of the things he mentioned are very disturbing and it makes you feel like becoming the author for some chapters.

Anyway.... school was boring. Gotten our classes today, mine's 05S6. A lot of girls. My civics teacher is Ms Yew and i think she's really pretty and sweet. She smiled at me! And my impression of her has been good even though we have hardly spoken. Have been visiting the school's library a lot recently. Guess what i saw? J1s searching for reference books and actually reading them. I saw the big word 'PHYSICS' in front. Gosh. It's either i'm too slacked, or they have no life. Anyway, if you wanna take a walk thru history, u can come to our library. We have books 10 over yrs old and i bet the whole setting hasn't changed much. Haha..

Called steph up to meet. we went orchard. While walking towards far east, this man approached us and asked for donations. He claimed it was for the NKF patients who were jobless and have to raise their kids. He handed each of us a penguin cup as a token of appreciation, before we even wanted to give any. I was actually quite reluctant, cos i left 1.20 cash. But he kept insisting on us giving. So i sensed that sth was not right. I asked him "How reliable is this?" and he seemed confused, as if i was asking a who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire question. So i rephrased "I mean, how much can we trust this? Do you have any proof or cert?" Now, he panick and looked lost. I seriously didn't see the link between NKF and being jobless. Maybe i was ignorant abt this, but his body language said it all. So we returned him his penguin cups and walked away. I think we have to be extra careful during these times as there will be people who will take advantage of the situation now, whereby people are more willing to contribute financially. So keywords like "donation", "charity", "NKF" blabla.. can really turn on the 'compassion' button in us and causes us to be more willing to donate. So just be aware of where your money will end up cos there are already cases whereby people faked out their own tins and asked the public for donations which eventually landed in their own pockets. It kind of disgusts me a lil..

Well, so much for now. Bible reading! =)

testing

Com was down ytd, internet wasn't accessible.
Com is recovering fast, internet accessed, msn still down.
Man is coming to repair tmr.. Yay~

Met bird at 8.17 this morning! We went down to SGH to acc. ball cos her grandpa's in the ICU, but thank God, he's in stable condition now. =) Glad to see ball in her usual self now =) She has a very comical grandmum and a very cute uncle who waved at us and said 'hallo!'. Hahaha.. It was weird inside, everyone seemed to be so serious. But again, if they didn't, then it'd be weirder. Heh. Later, we went to suntec to have our Mac breakfast. So satisfying. Heh. =)

Had to go off early to meet Sis JinLian and JieTing to Desiree's house for a visitation. Was filled with anticipation as i hadn't done visitations before and thus didn't know what to expect. It turned out well, she was so chatty and couldn't stop fondling her hamster which has no toe nails. HAha.. The tv was switched to Kids Central which talked about pets, and she showed us a book about pets. Haha.. a bit wrong flow. But nvm, at the end of the visit, i know more about her and.. pets. Heh. So excited about our new cellgroup plans we came up ytd! ;) HEhE...

Went orchard to meet bird after that and we ate. With me ard there will always be eating. Heh. Cos i'm the president of the Round Club and i'm pretty proud of that. Lol.. Oh, and i miss my cheesestick. Saw someone eating but couldn't find it anywhere. Nvm not impt..

I watched tv just now! =) A bit rare.. Switched to CNN and they were reporting about the tsunami incident. It's titled "Saving the Children". It was more of a recollection of the tragic stories. There was this Sri Lankan man who testified of God's greatness even in the midst of chaos and distruction, this 7-yr-old boy who survived a the process of being in a train swept away by th strong currents by hanging on to the luggage rack, this son who had to decide to save either his mum or his sis so he let go of his sis's hand and he never see her again. I saw people returning to the rubble that was once their homes and i saw the helplessness in their faces. My heart was wrenched. I blinked back tears. How will their future be? Do they even think that far.. Maybe the only question in their minds is "Am i going to survive tmr?" But i'm really glad that the whole world is walking thru this valley with them and i believe that there will be an emergent of tough survivors who want to make a difference. Waiting in suspense for their stories.

Met cai at jp to collect her hp from nokia care and buy assessment bk for huiping. Haha.. after that i went to school to meet diana for self-study. The newbies were having orientation camp and they made a big mess in the field like what we did previously. Saw some of the more familiar JJ guys and i thot they looked so much better. Oops haha... Anyway diana told me this shocking thing, our principal, Mr Steven Koh, made this statement during morning assembly," I am a Christian, but i don't go to church often, in fact, i go to the temple more." Did he even know what he was uttering? It just doesn't make any sense, Mr Koh. Like what bro jeff told me just now "a lukewarm Christian is WORSE than a believer." This is quoted from the bible actually. I don't know how Mr Koh managed to link yoga to this. But he sure knows how to digress well. I hope he somehow can manage to chance upon my blog and do some self-reflection. Not trying to sound like i know a lot, just that this statement really triggered a lot of people today, non-believers and believers alike.

In life, a lot of things happened so abruptly
They often caught us by surprise and
left us stranded

One minute you were in cloud nine
and the next, nine feet below ground
That's a free rollercoaster ride nobody wants
Not even the typical Singaporeans (okie lame =P)

You screamed, but no one heard u
You cried, but no one saw your tear-stained face
Or maybe they didn't even bother
So the next best thing to do was
to pretend that nothing had happened
and move on

You drifted through life
Burying all your hurts and sorrows
deep in the corner of your mind
But still, they haunted you once in a while

You tried your best
to satisfy everyone
but at the end of the day
you are still all alone

Things became so bad
and you wanted to die
So you did

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This is such a lack of love poem-wannabe! LOL... Just trying to imagine how a depressed person would feel. Haha.. So grateful to have many good friends in my life, i think they are the best gifts God has given me. =)

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Oh, had a great time today at ECP. But sorry girls, i was so late. Anyway, we had fun la. It's been so long since i rollerbladed. Looking forward to the night blading with frances and friends haha.. Nothing much to say, just that i enjoyed the girls' company and making fun of sweemin's butt. LOL~

Oh ya, chatted with Diana a lil on msn just now and she was telling me that everyone was so stressed up right now. Sigh. i can't really empathize cos i'm not with them now, but i can sort of imagine the situation.. Can't blame. They are all trying to fit into this rigid system. Going to school tmr! =) Studying with Diana cos she can't study with stressed people. Haha.. Actually me too. I don like looking at stressed up look. Eek. I seriously can't imagine me having a permenant stressed look. But some people just have the amazing ability to transform their once 'flexible' face to a 'stuck' face. Haha.. hope you understand, but it doesn't matter if you don't.. HAHa..

Who's kamal? Get lost, not even worth a space in my mind.
Oh, so crude. Who cares..

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Went to school, was late for 30 mins. Haha.. but nothing happened anyway. The whole orientation thingy was so boring. But, i didn't sleep. The only fun thing was the mass dance. Haha.. Danced with this guy whose hands were so wet, i had to dry my hands after everytime i touched his. We danced 'Hey Ya'. After that I danced with Azman, much better. I met up with minmin during her break. Aww.. miss her!! She was bored and i was bored so we talked. She told me she took a lot of photos of ducks in Perth to show me.. HAHA.. thanks ah.. Ohya, i just
discovered a new friend. He lives directly above me only. And i just got to know him today. Haha.. i've nv seen him the entire last yr. He's the type who goes to school super early whereas I'm just the opposite. =) Nothing much happened today actually. They will be having orientation camp tmr but i'm not going la. So weird. Going rollerblading at east coast tmr with cai and alice! Yay.

Thought of the day: How will u feel if your friend personally tells you that he's a gay?

Blog has suddenly gone bonkers. Haha.. trying to fix it at the moment. =)

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TESTING TESTing

Oops. Woke up late today. 10.30 when James called. So i missed communion for svc 4 but managed to make it for svc 5's communion. =) Service was GREAT. A GREAT start to a new year. There were overflowing of people in the audition, if i'm not wrong, some had to sit on the stairs. And this is only a normal service, PTL! Today's message was about setting goals for 2005

How to set goals?
1. Be Specific
2. Goals must be Measurable
3. Come out with an Action Plan
4. Be Realistic
5. Be Time-conscious
For CHC we have 2 additional points
6. Expectation Management
7. Revelation from God

Proverbs 16:1
We may make our plans, but God has the last word.

I'm sort of excited to start school actually. But not the orientation, i think it's dumb. Can't wait to get my good results back, i wanna revenge! LOL~ No la jk. Hmm.. but i'm so pumped up now just thinking of studying. So not me, but this yr is different. A whole new aileen emerges. Stay tuned. haha..

Let me start by wishing all of you a very Happy New Year!
Hope that 2004 has been a gd year for u. But don't stop where you are, continue to have faith and believe God for mightier things! Let's go from glory to glory this 2005!

Personally, i feel that 2004 has been a really long break for me. I sailed past like a breeze. Not very productive or fruitful i feel. But nevertheless, I still like it and have grown a little bit more in my mind. Just did a reflection and realised that a lot of things actually happened.
Changed cell grp from E17 to N256
Prom night
First 'real' job @ pizza hut
Enlisted into JJC
Joined volleyball
Got my OM!
Changed service & section
Went Malaysia with friends
Went Indonesia with sch and JCH

These are the more significant ones la. Otherwise, the list will go on and on.. and on. One thing that haven't happened is, BGR. hahahhaa.. Turning 18 soon and not even one. HAHA.. Quite proud of that LOL~ Okie so my dream to have my 1st bf as my husband still stands. Strong. *GriNs* Anyway..... today is the beginning of a new yr which signals the penning down of greater goals. Okie so this is what i want to achieve by 31st Dec 2005..
-Almost all Distinctions in every subject.
It's time to work hard now, Aileen. This is a big dream and by faith i believe i can achieve that.
God says 'If you can see it, you can have it.'
You may laugh at me, well, for all i care. I turn my eyes to God and not you.
-Finish reading the Bible!
Have to get more serious in the relationship with God this yr. I want to know God even more and wanna get off my comfort zone.
-Get at least 3 souls saved
I wanna be a shining testimony so that when ppl look at me, they will know for sure that God exists and lives in me. End-time is nearing, I don't wanna waste time anymore.
-Stay BGR-free
HAHA.. (nothing much to say)

Ya these are the core things I really wanna achieve. oh ya, I came up with this slogan for myself this yr: Dare to dream BIG dreams
Sounds kind of.. cliche. Nvm.. It's for me myself.

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Had a great time of fellowship with my zone members just now! We stayed overnight at the airport so as to send Aaron off early in the morning. I thought i'd nv cry as i'm not very close to him, but as he waved goodbye, i felt the pinch and teared silently... Parting is nv easy but it's parts and parcels of life. I have come to accept that. I hope he can make new gd friends over in Canada and i'm sure they will be very blessed by him.

Yay! Service later!! Doing communion too. It's been so long since i had service! Can't wait. Hehe..

Today! Woke up at 12. Lazed ard at home.. till 5. when i went to meet cai (again! =P) We went makaning at jp then headed off. Where can we go.. 1)Orchard 2)Suntec 3)Bugis
We chose Bugis as we went to Orchard recently.. How interesting can Sg get. Anyway, the first thing i bought was a.. cheesestick!! Have been missing it. GOsh.. it's sooo... soft and.. cheesy. =P Blended perfectly with the separable crust. After the first bite i wanted to have 1,2,3,4,5,6 more sticks. Nvm.. control. Bought a top which i don think it's worth the amt i paid for, but it's nice la. HAha.. We shopped till ard 9 then crazily decided to go esplanade. Bought drinks and Doritos Cheesy Nachos at the cold storage to feast there. Cai treated! Hehe thanks! So then we walked over to suntec. And the story goes like that..

I told her i was urgent. She didn't care! HAha.. And told me she wanna go Happy House..
Me: There's one there what (less than 1 min walk)
She: Dont want! I want to go the other one! (Citilink's which is like.. 10-15 mins walk)
Being the nice one (haha..) i complied. So we walked. Real fast cos she was afraid it'll close. As we neared delifrance i went to the toilet there and she told me to wait outside somewhere when i was done.. and just zoomed off. So i didn't care much la cos i needed the toilet. Haha.. When i was done she wasn't anywhere, so i walked down citilink towards the Happy House. Met her at an escalator and she told me Happy House was closed. I laughed. Then we walked to the esplanade. A lot of couples. We found a relatively couple-free place and sat down. Opened the Doritos and munched. Suddenly, she handed me this Ig's Heaven plastic bag to my utmost surprise. Inside was the Angel pendent which i was wow-ing over the other time! Aiyo, i was so touched and speechless. So she was actually rushing so much just to get me that before it closed! Aww.. And guess what? That was the last piece!! GOSH... And it was actually meant to reserve for someone else.. Solid la she.. erm.. did she mention Happy House? HA..

God planned everything so well. I was urgent at the right time so that she could go and get the pendent 'peacefully' while i was in the loo. Also, she managed to get there before the shop closed and before the last piece was sold. So amazing. And that was what i wanted to get but couldn't bear to use the money on that for myself.. So blessed! Indeed, God knows the desires of our heart! HEhe.. PTL!

Thanksgiving was great!! In fact every ET zone event is great.
We gathered and gave thanks -
To God, who brings us through the yr and for His blessings which He showered on us. We are looking forward to a better and more fruitful 2005, believing God for more breakthroughs and another level of spiritual walk with Him.
To the leaders who guide and teach us to be better disciples of Christ.
To the brothers and sisters who are with us thru the good and bad times, always there to pick us up when we fall.. and rejoice with us in a victory.
It was such a heartwarming time spent. Friendships renewed.. Barriers broken.. Appreciation given.. Love received.. Hope shining.

I really enjoyed myself!, though i was v. sick at first.. But i didn't care and just flow with them.. Unknowingly towards the end of everything, i found myself jumping and jumping to the song 'One'. And now, I'm okie! Praise the Lord! =) Only thing is, my tummy is still funky.

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Sleeping with a funky tummy wasn't enjoyable. At all. But it's better than sitting now, feeling headache and nauseous... Hope that i'll be well enough to usher later. I will still go no matter what!! HA..

Okie so I'm back after one mth of abandonment. Haha. It feels weird to blog now. But i'll try. haha..

18 unglam days in Medan were utterly fun. I enjoyed myself in the midst of 'mild hardships' and 'discomforts' (as Uncle Sa'at put it). I miss waking up wearing the same outfit you slept in and wearing it for the whole day. Nobody really cared how each of us looked like. Most of us didn't even bother how we looked like. Haha.. I thot that was great. The locals treated us so well that i think we were over-fed most of the time... Hehe.. I wanna thank God for bringing me through this experience. It's like God surrounded me with a shield, protecting me against all forms of nasty illnesses and injuries.. Truly, God was with me. The only nasty thing was.. motion sickness! I puked thrice in Lake Toba and i thot i was going to puke my stomach out as well.. =P
This is just a microscopic insight about my experience there.. I don't even know where to begin~ So i'll just end here la. HAha..

Okie back to Sg... I was so excited when the plane's wheels 'kissed' our soil that i kept squirming in my seat. I miss church!! Till now I haven't gone back to our building cos we had Christmas services at the indoor stadium. So cool right? That is the size our church building is going to be next time! Yay~~ I was so happy that a lot of people received Christ that 2 days and i bet heaven was trembling with thunderous rejoicing.

Recently, till today, i was busy doing my Christmas shopping. So lag right? =P Nvm, it's the thot that counts haha.. I have spent over 100 so far on gifts and, praise the Lord, my mum banked in 100 bucks for me at the right time ytd. I don't think it's a coincident as she didn't (and doesn't) even know I was buying gifts. It's really amazing how God works. He met my needs even before i pray and ask Him... So loved~ =)

Went out with cai today. Had fun as usual. Had Kenny Roger's too! Miss it! Haha..
Tips: KR's lunch is much worth than its dinner. =P
While eating, the scenes of the slaughtering of chickens in Medan's market just played thru' my mind. But I enjoyed the meal anyway. Haha.. My funky tummy didn't disrupt me too. But i seriously donno what funkified it.. It's been so airy and bloated since ytd and it seems like no amt of burping helps. Haha.. And I realised that lying flat on your tummy won't flatten it. OKie that was dumb.. =P But if you're desperate enough, you'll tend to do anything u think can help. Haha.. Hopefully it will miraculously shrink when i wake up.

Oh, and i can't wait for the Zone thanksgiving later!!! So uptight now! =P Nothing will deter me from going! Not even my fully expanded funky tummy.... I missed the Camp Fission this time round and I'm not gonna miss later's! Hehe.. *Full of anticipation*

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Great day in church. Ushering was fun. Fellowship was great too.
I will miss church. I will miss my church friends. I will miss my cg N256!
It suddenly (or should i say finally) strike that I'm gonna leave everyone who is so dear to me. Aww..
But nvm.. I will be *sings* "stronger than yesterday..." Sigh.. but still, even the strongest warrior will sometimes cry.

Right now, I haven't even seen the place we'll be going. Frankly speaking, the only thing i know is that i'll be going Medan and it's a Muslim community. Haha.. but then again, the feeling of being kept in suspense is quite thrilling. Going to construct a pavement for the orphans there. Yay, can give them some love! But i think ultimately, it's us who will benefit from them. We will learn lessons even pro. can't teach. Ya so i think it's a great honour for us to be able to share 18 days of their lives with.

*Sings* "Part of me laugh.. part of me cry..."
Ya it's like part of me is really excited about the whole trip. This is the day i've been looking so forward to. But then as the day draws near part of me wants to stay. Haha freak right. Okie la that's me.. mixed emotions.

Nothing much to say actually.. Haha.. Pray for journey mercy. And that terminal 4 will still be smooth and flat.. so that the plane won't crash. HAHA.. I'm so excited. I think i will slim down. LOL.. goOdbye! =)

Today! i had a really good time! Went JP with bird and moo for lunch and then bird and i went suntec to shop again. Ball joined us later and we shopped together! And...!!! We went into this Adidas shop and saw this red jacket which was and is so nice! So...... 3 of us.. bought the same one! lol.. same size too! =P So fun.

After that i went to my grandma's place to take sth and praise the Lord, she cooked dinner. So i ate there haha so nice! After that i met up with bird and ball again and we joined the TP people at TM to have dinner with them. Haha.. So fun.

I wanna share God's goodness!! I've been receiving a lot of financial blessings recently! A LOT! And i really wanna thank God for answering my prayerS. Cos i've been praying for financial breakthru and thank God i don have to wait long for it! =P He's really our help in times of need and be certain that every prayer is not in vain. God listens to everyone.. He protects the simple-hearted.. That's why i love Him. I don have to be significant to be loved and cared for by Him. Ah, that's genuine love.

Haha.. I have abandoned my blog once again. =) HAha so many things have happened that i donno where should i begin. So, let me start today! =P

OKie today! I went shopping at.. JP.. bought a lot of stuff for medan. First time i bought so many things in a day!
-Insect repellant
-Olive oil
-Nalgene big bottle
-Banana boat Sunblock
-Pochai Wan (don like the name LOL~)
haha.. but fun la. Went with Jessie! So excited about the Medan trip! =) =) =)3 more days!!! Went to meet bro jeff just now and he handed me some more stuff for the trip.. So nice so sweet.

Oh ya went to Jantzen (donno how to spell) to have a haircut. And i'll never go again! The people there are like so unfriendly and cold. Almost everyone. Gosh.. One scenario: I was sitting at the chair.. then this lady placed a transparent cup on the 'dressing table'.. inside was this yellowish thingy. I assume it was tea la. LOL~ She didn't even tell me what was it.. So i didn't touch. Scarly it was some chemicals... LOL.. Anyway the whole thing was boring. Ya.. Should have gone to jean yip. okie nvm next time.. HAha..

*sniff*sniff* My nose hasn't been gd to me for the past 2 days. As bird calls it.. i have the 'dripping syndrome'! The mucus just keeps dripping.. and it's the very watery kind.. very much liek water. It makes me feel like sneezing! But often can't.. so the feeling is not good. With so many things going on i can't afford to be sick! =(

Had bio lect today. Realized that biology is actually quite sexist. There're mother cell, daughter cell and sister chromatid, but no father/son/brother. Hehe.. Wonder why.

Went to TTSH in the morning too. I was quite appalled at the interior of the building cos it looks pretty much like a shopping centre. Nothing like a hospital at all. I was expecting long corridors and a kind of 'hospital smell'.. haha.. But nothing of that sort.. So it was quite a gd experience. Our Medan grp went for the typhoid jab and some wanted Hep A vac. as well and that was pretty painful i heard. i didn't take any as i had typhoid earlier this yr hehehe.. Doubt i can even take cos of my nose!

Okie nothing much today actually... And as usual simin poked fun at the duck race and our homes.. Ducks unite!!

Head bowed
Silently conforming
She exists
To survive
It's tough
She knows
But it doesn't matter
She's living today

I was reading this book "Dessert Flower" by Waris donno what. She was a nomad in Africa. It's kind of shocking to learn that female circumcision is still widely practised in Africa today.. They do it without the use of proper equipment and sanitary.

Scenario: A 6 yr old girl is being led by her mum in the early hours of the day to a place far from home. Reason being so that nobody can hear her scream. A gypsy met up with them and without any formal introduction (eg a handshake or greetings) starts to perform the circumcision. The girl sits on a stone, with her mum pinning her down. The gypsy spat on the blood-stained knife and cleans it. Using the same knife, she cuts her genital. Of cos, all is done while the girl is still conscious. After cutting, she uses thorns to poke thru the flesh so as to sewn up the gap. The whole process ended, with the girl being left with a matchstick-sized hole. Of cos, her pain is not over yet. It's a torture just to urine, other than the small size.. the salt in the urine will sting the fresh wound. She can't move about for fear of tearing the sewn-up flesh. So, her mum ties her legs just in case, and she has to lie in a tent made for her, alone. But she's fortunate. One of the few who survives.

Maybe it's their culture. But maybe, it's done for the men. So that they can have more pleasure during intercourse. The females on the other hand, can nv experience organsm. The worst part is while giving birth, the baby would have to squeeze thru the small hole and sometimes, will get suffocated inside the body. That's not the end.. now the hole will have to be sewn back again. How sad. Most of the time they just oblige. Ya, that's the situation in Africa and some middle eastern countries. Hopefully there will be more feminists.

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today was a very full day.. Did PW presentation rehearsal in school. Pathrose thot it was much better. Kk at least has a little assurance.. Just dont 'rock' too much haha.. Oh ya went shopping with my mum after that hehe.. She was so nice. Keep wanting to buy stuff for me.. but i didn't wanna let her spend so much.. I mean.. she's the kind who'll sacrifice herself for me... so no matter what's her situation, she'd still want the best for me. So everytime when we go shopping, she'd always go look at my stuff.. Like just now, i felt quite not right when she kept asking me if i want this or that.. So i ask her if she has anything to buy for herself.. She said she doesn't need any... But i am sure she has la. Just that, she'd always put me and my bro first.. touched. ='( So i've made up my mind to buy her a diamond ring with my first proper salary.. shhh don tell her. =P
Anyway, bird called and told me to join her for our friend's mum funeral after the shopping.. I was the only un-2B person among them haha.. But it's okie la i didn't feel out.. I think my friend's really strong inside. Though he wore a sad look, he was still hospitable and friendly. I do feel some pinch too. His mum used to work at the school's canteen and i liked her salad. But well, there's a season for everything.. a time to live, a time to die... a time to sow, a time to reap..

Hope he won't be too affected for his pw presentation later..
Have to reach early for pw presentation too.. Very excited, knowing that after tmr, there's no more pw for my entire life. Hopefully.